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Monday, October 18, 2010
Yesterday Corie and I with the help of the Edward's family planted a rose bush at the lookout garden at CCU. It is in memory of our little rose that we did not get to meet. Even though her life was so short we still wanted to honor her memory. The Edward's reached out to us with the idea of planting a rose bush in the garden that is on camps in memory of their little girl whom went to be with the Lord a couple years ago. It was a great way to bring some more closure and also help us to move forward in feeling ready to try again at having a child of our own. Although I have not been very emotional about everything, when it all happened I was not sure how I was going to deal with my own sadness and also be supportive for Corie. However the Lord has really been teaching me a lot about how he is here to take care of us when we don't think we can take care of ourselves. Thank you to the Edward's family for the love they have shown us and also to all our friends and family you have all been so supportive. For all those who have lost a little one we feel your pain and also know that God brings great joy to those who stand in faith that God will bless us again with a child. God Bless to you all.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Brock and I went to JC Penney today to return a garment and possibly find him some new work boots as the current ones are literally coming apart at the seams.
We took a side trip into the Christmas section to see if we could find our yearly ornament which we choose together. Both of us have to agree upon said ornament.
With our first pregnancy ending in our baby not surviving we choose to also find an ornament to represent her ever so short life and impression that Rose left on us.
During the pregnancy I called Rose, peanut before we had even settled upon a name.
SO this is the Ornament we Choose to forever hang on our Christmas Tree and remember Rose.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
It has been about 4 months since the death of our little Rose. And the desire to be parents remains within Brock and I's heart as a healthy, young, married couple. That being said, we have recently been contemplating when to begin this process again.
Honestly, I am struggling with this one as my schooling is a rather heavy load this semester and the memory of the exhaustion that comes with the first trimester of pregnancy is also extremely fresh. I am currently dealing with a sinus infection type of illness and am so tired from constantly going going going going going that I am not sure that a baby at this moment would be the best thing for myself or the child in light of the fact that I am the baby's protective life source until it is developed enough to survive on its own. (that was a long sentence/thought).
On the flip side... I so desperately want to again love my child and to have it survive so that I might be able to hold, care for, watch, teach, and grow with. I so desperately want to see my husband fulfill his fatherly role/desire. I know He will be fantastic and interesting (learning all new things) at the same time but that is all part of being a parent.
My heart is excited while my body/flesh is extremely hesitant.
I guess my prayer at this point is that the Lord would help me bring the two into alignment so that I will no longer be in this limbo state. I desperately want to follow the Lord in all things but I admit that I am a broken sinful creature who is currently still in the wilderness and is making little time for/with the Lord.
This wilderness/exhaustion I know will go away as soon as I stop and make time for ABBA, there is turmoil within me.
All this, I place here in the space of the internet not knowing if anyone is actually reading but pointing here nonetheless. An outlet really.
This is my struggle. Do with this information what you will.
Blessings to those of you who do read.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
So over the past month I have come across some sweet cars and I thought I would share them with you.
I was at work the other night and as I patrolled through on of the lots I came across the newest celebrity car. The Transformers addition Camaro "Bumble Bee". It is a sweet car.
I was super surprised to be walking home from my prayer time to come across such a celebrity car as the "Bandit".
A rare Ford Rancho found outside a Porsche/Masserati Dealership.
Found this oldy but a goody while walking through Mariemont.
I am a fan of the color and look of this car.
This sweet car is lovin this sweet lady that's standing beside her.