5 Single Guys and a Married Couple with a dog all under one roof.

Time Flies...

2011-05-19T17:23:00.000-07:00

Typically that is followed by when you are having fun. Well, that is partially true anyway. Closer to reality though is that Brock and I have just been so busy that we have practically forgotten our blog. My apologies to those who do keep up with us.

And now the update...

In February Brock started a new job working as an assistant manager at Scarlet and Gray Cleaning, a janitorial company which cleans schools all over Cincinnati. He is working in the Mariemont School district.

Corie is getting ready to start up another year of her Masters of Art and Counseling. She has an internship in Middletown, OH. She is also working as a grad assistant for Rick Bullard the Geology professor at CCU and is working on saturdays at Findlay Market at Colonel D's a Gourmet Herb's and Spices.

Now for some crazy news: Corie and I have been living at a house since February with 5 single guys. We had our own bedroom and bathroom we shared the living room and kitchen area. It was a 6 month agreement that would end at the end of July. As it is now August decisions have to be made. After a time of prayer and fasting we felt the Lord leading Corie and I to a season of wilderness and unity. I know to most this sounds odd but I can explain.

For anyone that is learned in the bible the wilderness is a place where the Lord moves people to teach his people and refine them to grow closer to Him. So we are going into a season of this by moving out of the Cornerstone house where we have been this past 6 months. The Unity comes into play in that we are going to be moving into an apartment with a good friend. It will be a challenge with space but we all feel this is where we are to be for this time. Now for some sad news.

Dexter can not come live with us. The apartment complex is a dog free zone. They allow cats but not dogs. So for the time Dexter is going to stay with someone else. We have not decided on who yet but I am sure it will be known soon. This is sad but sometime sacrifices have to be made and this is a small one to move closer to saving money to be able to have our own house.

This is all taking place really quick but that is exactly how the Lord has dealt with all our moving situations in the past so this should be no different. We will be moving into the apartment on Sunday Aug. 14th.

Please pray that this is a smooth transition, that we would have a calming spirit about Dexter and that we would feel confident with who he stays with. Also that we would not be anxious and would stay at peace with this decision. We want to honor the Lord in this season.

This means that the title of the blog will change again and stay tuned for more updates. Hopefully more regularly.

Christmas Traditions

2011-01-12T19:58:00.000-08:00

This year Corie and I decided to stay in Cincinnati for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. For Thanksgiving we went to Howard and Jennifer Bullard's home in Rushville, IN. We have become good friends and feel they are very much apart of our spiritual family. Jordan and Lindsay the children of these fine people have become like adopted siblings of ours. For Christmas this year I had to work Christmas morning but Corie and I opened gifts in the afternoon when I got back home.

But the week before that we were blessed with a visit from Corie's mom and dad and my mom and dad. We got to spend 3 days with Corie's parents and about a day with my parents but it was such a sweet blessed time. With everything medical that happened this year it was good for the mom's to get together and be with Corie. Me and the dad's had fun talking about cars and tractors. For New Year's we are going to hang out with our friends the Hatfield's. The last time we celebrated New Year's together we all almost got arrested for having more than two people in a room with our shoes off. One of those crazy Ohio laws still on the books. Should be a good time of friends and games. Corie and I both have to work New Year's day but I have to be into work at 6am. Yeah for me :( but happy for a job.

Even Dexter got into the Christmas Spirit.

For New Years Eve Corie and I went to Niki and Caleb Hatfield's and had a great time hanging out with old and new friends.

Pumpkin Carving

2010-10-29T05:53:00.001-07:00

These are Corie and mine's pumpkins we carved.

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A Rose for Our Rose

2010-10-18T17:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Corie and I with the help of the Edward's family planted a rose bush at the lookout garden at CCU. It is in memory of our little rose that we did not get to meet. Even though her life was so short we still wanted to honor her memory. The Edward's reached out to us with the idea of planting a rose bush in the garden that is on camps in memory of their little girl whom went to be with the Lord a couple years ago. It was a great way to bring some more closure and also help us to move forward in feeling ready to try again at having a child of our own. Although I have not been very emotional about everything, when it all happened I was not sure how I was going to deal with my own sadness and also be supportive for Corie. However the Lord has really been teaching me a lot about how he is here to take care of us when we don't think we can take care of ourselves. Thank you to the Edward's family for the love they have shown us and also to all our friends and family you have all been so supportive. For all those who have lost a little one we feel your pain and also know that God brings great joy to those who stand in faith that God will bless us again with a child. God Bless to you all.

The Perfect little Christmas Ornament...

2010-10-13T11:39:00.000-07:00

Brock and I went to JC Penney today to return a garment and possibly find him some new work boots as the current ones are literally coming apart at the seams.

We took a side trip into the Christmas section to see if we could find our yearly ornament which we choose together. Both of us have to agree upon said ornament.

With our first pregnancy ending in our baby not surviving we choose to also find an ornament to represent her ever so short life and impression that Rose left on us.

During the pregnancy I called Rose, peanut before we had even settled upon a name.

SO this is the Ornament we Choose to forever hang on our Christmas Tree and remember Rose.

Keeping it in the Light...

2010-10-12T11:43:00.000-07:00

It has been about 4 months since the death of our little Rose. And the desire to be parents remains within Brock and I's heart as a healthy, young, married couple. That being said, we have recently been contemplating when to begin this process again.

Honestly, I am struggling with this one as my schooling is a rather heavy load this semester and the memory of the exhaustion that comes with the first trimester of pregnancy is also extremely fresh. I am currently dealing with a sinus infection type of illness and am so tired from constantly going going going going going that I am not sure that a baby at this moment would be the best thing for myself or the child in light of the fact that I am the baby's protective life source until it is developed enough to survive on its own. (that was a long sentence/thought).

On the flip side... I so desperately want to again love my child and to have it survive so that I might be able to hold, care for, watch, teach, and grow with. I so desperately want to see my husband fulfill his fatherly role/desire. I know He will be fantastic and interesting (learning all new things) at the same time but that is all part of being a parent.

My heart is excited while my body/flesh is extremely hesitant.

I guess my prayer at this point is that the Lord would help me bring the two into alignment so that I will no longer be in this limbo state. I desperately want to follow the Lord in all things but I admit that I am a broken sinful creature who is currently still in the wilderness and is making little time for/with the Lord.

This wilderness/exhaustion I know will go away as soon as I stop and make time for ABBA, there is turmoil within me.

All this, I place here in the space of the internet not knowing if anyone is actually reading but pointing here nonetheless. An outlet really.

This is my struggle. Do with this information what you will.

Blessings to those of you who do read.

Love

Corie

The Lord's Encouragement to Me Today.

2010-10-12T09:14:00.001-07:00

Verse Of The Day

Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise. Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

Proverbs 19:20-21

Puppy Dreams...

2010-10-10T18:55:00.001-07:00

Dexter commonly naps with me sitting close by and this is how I know he is dreaming. It's so cute that I needed to share this moment with you all.

Some Sweet Cars

2010-10-10T07:44:00.000-07:00

So over the past month I have come across some sweet cars and I thought I would share them with you.

I was at work the other night and as I patrolled through on of the lots I came across the newest celebrity car. The Transformers addition Camaro "Bumble Bee". It is a sweet car.

I was super surprised to be walking home from my prayer time to come across such a celebrity car as the "Bandit".

A rare Ford Rancho found outside a Porsche/Masserati Dealership.

Found this oldy but a goody while walking through Mariemont.

I am a fan of the color and look of this car.

This sweet car is lovin this sweet lady that's standing beside her.

Stop It! video... if only this is how we could really do therapy.

2010-10-08T16:37:00.001-07:00

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work drive

2010-10-03T14:17:00.001-07:00

On my way to work the other day I came upon this very witty license plate.

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New application.

2010-09-26T16:27:00.001-07:00

Last night I dowloaded an app that allows me to post on my blog via my phone. This is a test to see how it will look.

Geology...

2010-09-21T16:09:00.000-07:00

So It has been another long stretch since I or Brock have last visited. We recently we able to go on the Geology Field Trip which we have been participating in for the past 6 years now. This one was a bit more special as we were finally able to fully see the famous Moonbow... pictured just below...

The Moonbow is created when the Moon is very bright on a clear night and there is plenty of Mist coming off of the falls itself. You also have to have the moon to your back.

This was the highlight of the trip as we have been waiting 5 years to see this spectacular event which only occurs at Cumberland Falls in KY and Victoria Falls in Africa. Needless to say this was amazing! Follow are a few pictures from the trip taking by my amazing Friend Ronda!

Brock and I at Manmouth Cave's Natural Entrance.

The Fellowship as Brock has deemed us... Part of the trip team and no this was not a posed pic we just happened to all be standing together.

Cumberland Falls.

And this is all I have for now. I hope you are all enjoying your life and this mini post of mine. Let me know what you think of the Pics.

Blessings to each of you.

Corie

New Beginning...

2010-07-26T17:02:00.000-07:00

What a crazy summer full of so much emotion, blessings, family, friends, and love. I have honestly enjoyed this summer but I am so very ready to have this period in my life behind me. I am looking forward to getting back into the awesome world of grad school and seeing clients again. The Lord has been so wonderful and amazing through out this experience and I am ready to see what Jesus has for me in the future.

As for now, I am taking steps to become more healthy and loose some pounds. I am attempting to be patient over the next month as I continue to work as a Nanny and wait for school to begin.

I am so thankful to have all of my friends and especially the Love of my Life Brock and most of all the ABBA Father.

Good-bye little Peanut...

2010-07-09T10:55:00.000-07:00

Brock and I were very excited and a bit scared of the unknown that comes with becoming parents for the first time but now our little peanut is with the Lord. I had some concerning signs in my 11 week of pregnancy and before going into freak out mode I called a wonderful friend and momma of 3 who said it could be nothing but it could be very important. So I called the doctor and she said to come into the office the next day. The doc did an informal ultrasound and could not see the baby very easily but also stated that she could not see a heartbeat either. She then sent Brock and I to Christ Hospital for a Formal ultrasound where it was confirmed that our little one had passed.

Brock and I were crushed. My boss immediately gave me the week off when she found out what happened and Brock's found someone to cover his shift for the day and then the time was ours. Neither one of us wanted to go home just yet so we went and had lunch at Panera. It was so very good for him and I to have some time together in a public place. We were able to hold back some of the emotion while at the same time talk about the news we had received. We then began the process of calling our families and friends and sharing the disappointing news. EVERYONE was so supportive in how they responded; many prayed, many cooked meals, brought flowers, and gave hugs, sent cards, and some sent money so that Brock could take me home to see my family.

Throughout this whole process Brock and I have had a peace about the death of our baby. We know that God is good and has his reasons for taking our little one. June 21, 2010 was emotionally exhausting but we are doing extremely well. We were able to get a picture and will be honoring and remembering our first child. I know that God is faithful and will eventually bless us again with a bundle of Joy. Brock and I will also be reunited with our Baby in Heaven where one day our entire family will be complete once more. We are EXTREMELY grateful to all of our friends and family for the tremendous amount of support and understanding. The Lord is blessings us even through this sad time (The storm on that morning was perfect timing as I love storms and it coincided with the process of the day).

That wednesday, I had an emergency D and C to remove all of the tissue that was within and have been recovering ever since. It is incredibly difficult to loose a babe before you ever get to hold it, but dealing with the after effects are so much more difficult. I (Corie) am now a mother but not in the traditional format. And Brock a father too. I am yearning for the time of recovery/physical healing to be over as I greatly desire to be close to my husband. I am also so saddened at times when I think of our babe and then hear that others are pregnant and experiencing the Joys and I yearn for the babe I never got to meet. It will continue to be a process of healing.

I return to the doc for a check up to make sure that I have recovered properly which if all is well will be a HUGE milestone in this process. And eventually (most likely sooner rather than later) Brock and I will begin the to enjoy our marriage fully and receive a blessing of a child.

I hope for those of you reading this that it is clear. And I want to Thank everyone again for all the love and prayers. Brock and I appreciate them more than we can ever express.

Blessings to Each and every one of you.

Corie

Preparations...

2010-06-15T17:55:00.000-07:00

I am making a Blanket for Brock and I's little Peanut so I thought I would share it with you all. I need to figure out how to connect the squares. I will probably stalk around Youtube to learn how. I am excited about this little project and can't wait until Peanut gets to use it. Let me know what you think. I will post another picture when I get further along in the process.

Blessings

Corie

A Prune...

2010-06-14T11:10:00.001-07:00

I found this info rather interesting and thought I would share with all of you...

Baby Lusch is now the size of a prune!
With bones and cartilage starting to form and vital organs beginning to function, baby is making major progress. Body length will almost double in the next three weeks, and arm joints are now working. (Soon, legs will start working too.) (from the bump.com)

It amazes me just how spectacular God is in the molding and forming of this tiny little human within me. I am also dumbfounded that I have the capability to allow for this new creation to grow. It is all very weird and extremely cool all at the same time.

I am definitely feeling the effects as I do not sleep well, the bathroom constantly calls my name (rather bladder), and I am still nauseous most of the time. Thankfully Canada Dry Ginger Ale helps to take that annoyance away and the little 8oz cans are perfect.

I am currently making a baby blanket in my spare time and when the process starts to come together I will add a picture. Brock and I go back to the doc. at the end of the month and we will hopefully find out if the little peanut is a girl or boy. And then I can't wait to come up with creative ways to tell everyone what the baby's gender is. It will be fun.

I think that is all for now...

Peace Love and Prayers

Corie

From Brock: Also to add to this post my parents were in town this weekend to hang out and go to the Reds game. Before the game my mom and dad bought us our first bit of baby clothing. It is a cute little outfit for a boy or girl.

Week 10...

2010-06-10T10:15:00.000-07:00

So I thought I would kill some time and write an update on what is happening within my body. I am currently in week 10 and our baby looks something like this...

I am truly amazed at how quickly this little being is changing and growing. Lil Lusch is about 1 inch long at this point and things are going fairly well thus far. I have only had 1 appointment but we go back to the doc. at the end of the month. I am completely exhausted today as I didn't sleep well last night and due to lack of sleep I'm getting a headache... tylenol here I come. I am also very nauseous most of the time which makes me not want to eat but I do it anyway as I know lil peanut and I need the nutrition.

Now onto my amazing and wonderful Husband, Brock N. Lusch. I cannot stop bragging about how amazing and wonderful he has been throughout this entire process. Before we found out about our blessing Brock would take care of so many things that I could count, once we found out; Brock has stepped it up a million times. He does the laundry, vacuums, cleans the floors, does the dishes, cooks, takes care of Dexter and forces me to have some girl time and lots of naps. He is beyond amazing and I never knew what type of jackpot I won when I married this enormous blessing I call my Husband.

Brock I love you more than my words can ever express and I cannot thank you enough for all the love you heap upon me each day. I am excited to become Mama with you as Papa.

Blessings to all who read this. I will update again in the near future.

1st Doctor's Visit

2010-06-01T12:49:00.000-07:00

This is not a picture of our baby!!
Today was Corie's first doctor's visit. This was an interesting and exciting time for us. We walked into the office For Women Inc. and started filling out paperwork. I already felt like I was in foreign territory but I had fun sitting there with Corie and talking and laughing about the baby doing goofy things in the womb like bungee jumping, acting like a mission impossible person or a circus act and just running around the womb like on a wall. Then we got called into the doctors room and the process started. Questions about family and personal history, no problems to be really worried about. Then started the examination, I made fun of the paper gown with comments like trying to use it as a Kleenex to blow my nose with, and as a napkin to clean up imaginary spots. Corie was laughing which was good and then when the doctor came back in we got to see the baby's heart beating like a little strobe light. It was so cool. We did not cry like most thought we would but I have a feeling that will come when we get to hear the heart beat. It is the size of a small bean so we are calling it Peanut right now. The whole experience was so real and exciting and we are glad to be getting to share it with you all.

Happy Memorial Day!!

2010-05-31T18:02:00.000-07:00

Today was Memorial Day. This day means more to me since I enliste in the Navy back in 2008 and I have a greater appreciation for all those who are serving and have served and what they sacrificed. For those that know I was in the Navy for only about 7 months with the last month being in Boot Camp. I was very ready to serve my country and then was told while up at Great Lakes that I have Keratoconus in my right eye. This was why I was sent home from the Navy. When I got home memorial day 2009 was weird because I knew in my heart that I was a vet even though I did not serve in a war situation. I did however enlist during a time of war and did what many have not done but those who felt called and were brave enough to except the calling to go and join the military. Last year my sister in law told me that "Memorial Day is your day too, I know you would go back into the Navy if you had the chance to go back" I said yes I would. Now a year later I am so happy to say I served in the military for a short time and feel a great since of honor in pride in these feels. Many people might not think that I can say these things but all I can say is at least I tried to serve but because of things beyond my control I was denied the chance to serve. So I say all that to say Thank you to my fellow SEPs and fellow military brothers and sisters for your sacrifice. Here is a list of all those who I know that have served or are serving.
Charles Walker- Navy (Deceased)
Bob McGraw- Navy
Charles Lusch- Navy (Deceased)
Jessie Scipio- Navy (Active)
Clayton Grafton- Navy
Larry Vinson- Army
Greg Clark- Army (Active)
Josh Blankenship- Army
Jefferey Shoemaker- Marines (Active)
Christopher Scher- Air Force
Tom Scher- Air Force
Brock Lusch- Navy
Brett Rooker- Navy
Andrew Scheuer- Navy
Nathan Marcotte- Navy
Cecil Helton- Navy
Paul Snyder- Navy

Baby Registry Time

2010-05-29T09:55:00.000-07:00

Corie and I started registering for baby stuff yesterday. We went to Target and registered for many different things. Then today we went up to Cincinnati Mills. We first stopped off at Woodcraft to see Ronda. She is a great friend of ours that we consider family. For those of you who know about the trips that we take in the fall and spring, Ronda comes on the trips and takes pictures and makes the whole weekend a total blast. She was so excited to see us today and showed us around her cool wood shop that has many cool things to lathe out. Before we left she said"I have a surprise for you" we went to her truck and she pulled out a little gift bag with some cute goodies for the baby.
In the book was a note to the baby that was really cute. Then we went to Baby's R Us and registered for a ton of stuff there. We are so overwhelmed with everything there is to look at. It is nice that Corie is a nanny because she gets to see many of the things that are used daily so that helps a ton for me to just let her tell me what things she likes. I normally look at styles and colors and say that looks nice. I feel like a girl at a car dealership. "I will take a car that looks cool and is my favorite color". Thank God for my wife.

A New Beginning!!

2010-05-27T07:42:00.000-07:00

Hello to all my family and friends. I hope that you will all stop by here and comment. I am going to be posting pictures and anything that pops in my head during this new time in our lives. On May 16th we found out by home pregnancy test that Corie is pregnant. We are very excited, nervous and scared but ready for the challenges ahead and feel that the Lord is preparing our hearts for this new adventure. We have our first doctors appointment on June 1st at For Women Inc. They came highly recommended by many women that Corie knows from school. I know that many of you have questions mainly when is Corie due and truth be told we don't know and that is one of the things we are anxious to find out on Tuesday. The past two weeks have been exciting and a bit of a blur all at the same time. I have been so excited I tell about anyone I know we are pregnant. Some of them respond with "you already told me, but I am very happy for you". One of our friends Dianne Wente kept hugging me over and over again, it was very uplifting. For those of you who don't know who Dianne is she is a great woman here in Cincinnati that gave me a job riding one of her bike taxi's when I was let go from my youth ministry during the first month of Corie and I's marriage. Her and Farley have been such a blessing to us. My mother in law and sister in law freaked out on the phone and screamed so loud when we told them that I thought I was going to buy a new phone because the speakers seemed to break. Kinda bummed that did not happened would love to have an excuse for a Droid Incredible. My parents were on skype with us when we told them and my mom said "well I guess it is time to start shopping" I am curious to see what they bring down fathers day weekend when they are here for the Royal vs. Reds game. This will be the first grand baby for Corie's mom and dad and the third grand baby for my parents. The two boys Mason and Collin are getting big and Mason was not sure what to think when he was told he was going to have a cousin. Well I think that is all the info I have for everyone for now. If you have questions let us know. We are going to Baby registering this weekend. Corie is so excited to for this and so am I. I love to shop.
God Bless you all,

Brock<><

boo technology...

2010-01-04T18:28:00.000-08:00

Well I typed out a blog post and then my internet went weird and I lost the entry.... soooo more later I am getting sleepy.
Peace
C

What people think of me in Community.

2009-12-09T08:00:00.000-08:00

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It has been awhile

2009-12-07T19:45:00.000-08:00

Ok, so it has been a really long time since I last posted on here. Mainly because I don't think anyone ever reads these posts but I thought I would pick it back up again. So if you do read this blog please respond to what I am writing about so I know this is not a waste of time.

Since my last post this is what has happened. The PT Cruiser broke the day before Thanksgiving but we got it back home and was able to rent a car to get us to Illinois. In happier news we were able to pay off are credit cards and get out from under that evil debt. We also got new tires for the Cruiser which were greatly needed after one of them blew out on Corie as she was driving to work. I worked with a friend on a ventilation job and fell through the ceiling of a motel room, only minor injuries and I am ok now.

Even more recent news, I went to the Bengals game against the Lions on Sunday it was a great time and awesome seats.

I also got to meet Darth Vader and caught a Jello shot thrown from on top of a bus.

Due to our noisy upstairs neighbors Corie and I have decided to move across the hall and hopefully will have a quieter living area with only one person living above us and she is not loud at all. We hardly ever hear her. So if you have any questions for me please feel free to ask and I will answer them. Praying you have a blessed day..

Brock <><

God Blesses in abundance

2009-10-27T15:09:00.001-07:00

Today Corie and I met with Alex Seeney and Ben Koch this morning to talk about our financial situation. God has brought us to a point of new direction with Him. The Covenant Community is looking to bring us into a form of common purse with us that would ease our financial struggles. The details are more than I will explain on here but if you want to know more you can ask. We are so blessed to have a God that loves us so much that He would say I want to heal your heart and grow you closer to Me by putting you around people that can help with their blessings of money because they have been good stewards of their money something we struggle with. After the meeting and the good eats of French toast Corie went to school and I went to Gladstone to cook homemade Apple sauce with my Great Grandmothers recipe. It was a good time and then I watched Monsters vs. Alien's with Nate Stradford it was a really funny movie good spoofs for the adults of 80's movies.

For tonight we are headed to the Annex for dinner to celebrate Justin Fay's new job and have a great time with friends. I made Apple sauce for them as well.

This weekend

2009-10-26T07:15:00.000-07:00

This weekend was pretty good. Friday I worked and there was nothing bad about that. Saturday Corie and I went to pick up our Edible Arrangements which were free and then we tried to go to a Corn Maze with friends but after driving a really long time to get there we found a sign saying Closed due to being to wet. So we turned back around and as we were driving back we say a kangaroo at a farm so we stopped to see if we could see them up close but the owners were not home so we kept driving. We then decided to stop at the movie theater to see a movie but none of the movies we wanted to see where playing soon enough for us to go see one. That night Corie hung out at home and I went to a Friends (McNeely's) to watch the UFC fights on pay per view. They were good matches but the main event was a let down. Sunday was good we went to church and I was a greater for Joe Carlin and then we went to the store to by some food, went home and cooked lunch and watched football. The Colts won 46-6, Steelers won 27-17 and the Bengals won 45-10. Hung out go the night and went to bed after rearranging the bedroom. So in all a great weekend and the great start to the week. I really see God blessing us greatly this week.

Pumpkin Carving

2009-10-21T16:51:00.001-07:00

So last night the Covenant Community came together to carve pumpkins and have a good time fellow-shipping. The end result are some pretty cool pumpkin carvings. The top picture of the house is the one Corie and I did. It is actually the first time we have carved a pumpkin in the time we have been together. It was a great time and we enjoyed the time with out brothers and sisters in Christ.

Financial Whoas

2009-10-19T13:18:00.000-07:00

So I have decided to start blogging about Corie and I's life together that way I can work on getting these things off my chest and so can she. As of right now we are both working thank God. I am a part time security guard at Cincinnati Christian University and a part time maintenance guy at the apartment complex we live at. Times are tough as they are for many people around our community and the nation. Corie and I struggle to pay bills each day and also to have money for food. We have been blessed with a great group of friends who are brothers and sisters in Christ that have fed us on many occasions. It is hard to be on this threshing floor and not know what is going on. Constantly it seems God throws my life up in the air and then blows things away and I reach out to grab them back and know that this is not what I should do. Also it is hard to go to people and ask them for help when they have said on different occasions to come to them if we need help with paying bills. I feel like such a failure. I hate that mine and Corie's work is not sufficient to pay our bills and I am so repentant that I have brought the majority of the financial stress on us do to my carelessness over the years. I am not really trying to sound like a whiny wimp but I figure if you are going to read this blog you might as well know what one of the main topics will be. I know that there will be many happy moments but right now this is not one of them. It is very hard to smile.